Remember When We Read online

  Remember When We

  Khardine Gray

  Copyright © 2019 by Khardine Gray

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Contents

  Remember When We

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Philadelphian Style

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Epilogue

  Remember When We

  Khardine Gray

  USA Today Bestselling Author

  Prologue

  Gio

  &

  Lyssa

  Gio

  * * *

  It always felt cold in here.

  Even when the place was being used this damn parking lot felt cold all year round. Cold like death.

  Back then I compared it to the coldness of death, because that was what death felt like to me. Cold and hard. Cruel. Death took and never gave back.

  Hope was gone and there was nothing to hold on to.

  Now abandoned, the parking lot felt the same.

  I was eighteen when Ma died after her years of struggling with leukemia.

  She was the first person in my life to die. The first person that I truly cared about. I never knew my grandparents. They died years before I was born so I never knew what it would feel like to lose someone close. With Ma, it felt like the world had ended. It ended and after all we’d been through with Pa. All the pain his unfaithfulness caused her. I was always in the middle of their disputes that actually got worse even after their divorce. I knew deep down Pa resented me for wanting to stay with her in Philadelphia, even though I technically spent my summers in Chicago with him. It was the only time I had away from her. The last time I came home and only had one whole day with her before I found her in the kitchen dead.

  It looked like she just must have collapsed. Doctors said she didn’t feel any pain in her death.

  My world ended, but I knew it would happen. I knew she was going to die and never blamed myself.

  Not the way I did for Marshall’s death. Definitely not like that. He was the good kid a guy like me should never have gotten mixed up with.

  People say you make your own choices, but I knew the truth.

  You are influenced by those around you to make those choices. If your influencer is bad, then you’re guaranteed to make fucked up decisions to screw you over in the worst way possible.

  That was what happened to him.

  Because of me.

  The last time I walked this path there was police tape sectioning off the bays over there by the window. The window wasn’t broken then and the vines of ivy growing through the crack weren’t there either.

  The only familiar thing was that the place was still cold.

  Bay 1-4, eight years ago was sectioned off and on the ground was the standard crime scene drawing of a body on the floor. The man was my best friend Marshall Carson. He was shot dead in a gang shoot out.

  Or so I had thought…

  * * *

  Lyssa

  My heart …

  My heart squeezed and stopped. I swore it stopped beating right there in my chest.

  I looked on not quite knowing if I’d strayed into a dream or if life had dealt it’s last card on me and taken my sanity.

  Eight years of hell could do that to a person and I didn’t know how sometimes I got from one day to the next.

  I looked on at the man standing on the first floor level of the old parking lot.

  I looked on trying to process what I was seeing, trying so hard not to hope that it really could be him.

  Gio …

  The man who had the power to make me feel alive and break me all at the same time.

  The man who’d held my heart and crushed it. Not broken so I could pick up the pieces and try to fix it. Crushed completely, so that it was practically irreparable, but for the few tiny fragments that remained. The fragments that kept me holding onto that thin line which I knew would snap very soon.

  It was him.

  It was him ... Gio.

  He was back.

  Back in Philadelphia.

  I didn’t know why he was back, but that man down there was definitely Gio Bianchi. When he left, I never thought I’d see him again.

  I looked on at him and my heart betrayed me, longing for those days when he used to make me feel so alive. The days when he used to look at me and I felt like I was the most important thing in his world.

  What would he think of me now?

  Me with my body on offer, up on the table if Dad can’t pay his debts. What would he think of me if he knew I signed a contract stating just that?

  What did that make me?

  Marshall wasn’t killed in a gang shoot out. Someone had killed him before that and that was why I was here.

  That was the only reason that I came back. To find the fucker who killed him.

  No other reason and I had to remind myself of that.

  I had to fucking remind myself that anything, or anyone else was not part of the equation.

  No matter how badly I wanted it to be.

  No matter how much I still wanted her.

  Her …

  Lyssa.

  She still felt like a drug to me. I still craved her, still wanted her eight years later, even though I knew I was bad for her.

  When you loved someone, you had to know when to let go. But when you truly loved someone, you had to know too when to leave. When to leave if you became toxic for them.

  When to make the decision that would be best for them, because you knew they would never make it themselves.

  I can’t think about her while I’m here. Leaving was the only good thing I ever did for her and it still had to be that way.

  I looked at him and wanted so badly to scream for help, his help. Call out for him, because I needed him.

  Yell out his name, because I remembered when he had promised to always be there for me.

  I remembered when we laughed together and I felt I had everything.

  I thought that was our forever when we made love under the stars.

  It wasn’t however meant to be.

  Something had brought him back here and it wasn’t me.

  Never me, and I dare not look further than what I was seeing now, because I had a secret he couldn’t find out.

  It broke my heart to think of it, to know I could keep such a thing from him, but it was for the best. Best for both of us, just as he said when he left me.

  He made the decision and left.

  I stood up and moved down the stairs to the exit.

  Best to leave and not make the situation worse with more heartache.

  It was crazy to come here anyway—my brother’s crime scene.

  What kind of crazy was I?

  Being here made me feel closer to him more than going to the cemetery. He was dead there. He’d always been dead there.

  This was the last place he was alive. Remembering that, was what I was holding on to.
<
br />   I had never expected to come here and find Gio.

  My head snapped around at the sound …

  A door closed somewhere.

  I was pretty certain that was what I heard, a door closing.

  The door and the faint echo of footsteps.

  I was pretty certain I was by myself, but someone was either here or just leaving.

  It was a big place, but this parking complex had been closed off to the public just after Marshall’s murder.

  I followed the sound and headed over to another cracked window near the fire escape. That was where I saw her and I froze up.

  I had to wonder if my damn heart wanted to see her so badly that I’d conjured her up.

  Was that what this was?

  A figment of my imagination.

  No. I’d know her anywhere even in my dreams and outside them too.

  That was her.

  Lyssa Carson.

  Lyssa Carson—twenty feet below me—running to her car. A white Miata that looked worn and bruised just like my heart.

  Long raven hair billowed out behind her like a velvet cape. I didn’t need to see her face to remember those jade green eyes. Jade eyes that used to look back at me with so much love. Smooth skin, high exotic cheekbones, and beauty that would rival the angels.

  That was my girl.

  Except, she wasn’t mine.

  She was always off limits.

  Always out of my reach.

  She was my best friend’s little sister, years too young for me, forbidden to me.

  Women like her didn’t belong in my dark world.

  She was the good girl I never should have touched.

  I went where I shouldn’t of back then and lost track of the dangers that

  lurked around us.

  I had no business with her. Yet as I stared at her getting into her car all I could do was remember.

  Remember when he first kissed me. Remember when he made all those promises to me.

  All the memories flooded my mind as I drove away and I wished like hell they wouldn’t.

  When I broke her heart, I made sure it was a clean break so she would hate me. I remembered it all and hated myself for what I had done.

  I just hoped it was worth it.

  I never got over her. My curse was loving her and my penance was to remember when we … were us.

  Staying away always felt like the wrong thing to me.

  But it really was for the best.

  I just had to remember that.

  I remembered when we were us—my curse.

  It feels like a dream my heart wants,

  but the nightmare is far from over and I live in fear every day.

  Chapter 1

  Gio

  * * *

  Eight years ago …

  “Gio if we get this, we’re smooth sailing. Dennis is the hook up, the real deal. The motherfucking king in my eyes with that kind of money,” Marshall rambled, bumping his own fists together and lowering to give the dashboard of his Harley a kiss.

  He always did that when he got excited. He was even worse after a joint and there he was lighting up again as if he wasn’t fucking high enough as it was.

  I leaned against the work top and watched him.

  We were in my garage. He’d just arrived as planned. Get here for seven thirty and then we’d head out to a warehouse and try out for this new job we’d heard about on the underground.

  A new job I’d heard about.

  Dennis was offering up a hundred g’s to his new recruits. He wanted four guys. Guys who were fast, smooth, wild, fearless, and reckless—that was us to the bone. Two Philadelphia bad boys who were unstoppable. We were overqualified for the job, definitely exceeding the job specs Dennis required. Me with my links to the Chicago mafia and Marshal with his link to me.

  And, why was Dennis recruiting?

  Because four of his guys were gunned down last month in a raid by the feds when they found a warehouse filled with counterfeit money worth two million.

  That was the kind of shit Dennis did. Money, drugs, anything that involved hard dough.

  What drew me in was that he did it outside the mafia guys who were set here.

  Guys I wouldn’t have wanted to run into, because of the hierarchy that came all the way from Italy that placed the Rossi’s in Chicago above anyone here. Also, because I just wanted to do something outside of my father’s influence.

  I’d found out Dennis was looking to hire and in my many attempts to avoid Chicago I thought that was a good option. A good option for me, and I wasn’t doing anything without Marshall.

  I looked around the garage, tension making my shoulders tight as thoughts of what to do weighed heavily on my mind.

  The place looked more like a workshop, from the way we’d decked it out with everything we needed to potentially make a motorcycle go demon fast.

  Speed demons that was what we were, and as I looked at my friend who’d been with me for as long as I could remember I wished the fuck we’d just stuck with that.

  Messing around with bikes. Messing around with old and new parts, trying to see what could be better, what worked and what didn’t.

  Instead we were looking to do things like this. Link up with the worst badass we could find in attempts to get rich quick on the skills that could either land us behind bars or dead. Yes, fucking dead ... the reality of this job he was talking about.

  “Imagine the dough Gio, that’s some serious coin and it wouldn’t just end there.” Marshall continued nodding his dark blonde head. “Fuck, Gio I think we could do this. Work for him maybe a year or two max then head to Mexico and set up our own business.”

  “Yes, you’re right that is some serious dough.” I agreed with that part.

  Marshall was so excited he didn’t take note of my hesitation, or my reluctance.

  I looked at him and straightened up. All the trouble he’d gotten into was my fault. All of it, everything he said and did.

  Fucking Dennis was for sure the hook up to some serious cash. Working with him meant I wouldn’t have to be under my Pa’s thumb. I loved Chicago, loved visiting and hanging with my daredevil friend Dante, but I hated the idea of working for Pa.

  Hated it like nothing else.

  The man wanted to keep control over me and I didn’t want that.

  But …

  I didn’t want this either. I didn’t want Marshall getting mixed up with a guy like Dennis. It would ruin him and draw him deeper into darkness.

  We were both twenty-eight years old and even if we continued as we were it would be better than getting mixed up with Dennis. Better at least for Marshall.

  “Marshall, I don’t think we should go,” I stated. There finally, I said it.

  I said it and he was now looking at me like I was bat shit crazy. Of course, he would who would turn down the chance for a hundred grand?

  His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “What the fuck are you saying man?”

  “I’m saying we should pass on it. We should pass and leave it. We can make money some other way. You can make money some other way.”

  I said it like that, because I actually didn’t need money.

  Pa was rolling in it as an associate for Raphael Rossi, the big Chicago mafia boss. Pa was in the business and I as his son got whatever I needed. What I wanted was a whole other story though.

  Marshall’s father, Paul, ran a bar. He took care of his family on a good, legit living. You could tell he lived comfortably and that was sufficient for them.

  “This is a joke.” Marshall fumed. “Has to be a fucking joke you’re playing on me, right Gio?” He tilted his head to the side and glowered at me.

  “Nah, not joking man. I’m being serious.”

  “No, this is a damn joke. You just wanted to screw with me. Or, warm me up.” He laughed off key.

  A joke …

  Yes. It was a joke, but the joke was on me.

  It was the reason for my state of flux, and my surpri
se decision on this job.

  Two things had happened last night. One was an ultimatum, the other an eye opener. A serious fucking eye opener that made me check myself.

  Lyssa had given me the ultimatum.

  She gave me a choice. She said if I loved her to come to the old house tonight at eight. If I didn’t, I should stay away from her forever.

  The ultimatum came as a result of the eye opener. Lyssa was Marshall’s little sister.

  His little sister I’d been seeing in secret until yesterday when her father found out about us, kicked my ass, and told me to stay away from his daughter.

  The ass kicking I had allowed, because, one, the man was fragile looking and no way was I about to beat up on Lyssa and Marshall’s old man. And two, I deserved it. I deserved it for not being able to lie to save my ass when he asked me how long I’d been seeing her. I was nine years older than her and should have fucking known better.

  He lost it when I gave my answer and told him we’d been together for a few years.

  It was actually just over two years, but that didn’t change anything. I was twenty-six at the time we got together and she was barely legal.

  Paul was enraged. So, he gave me the eye opener and told me it was my fault Marshall was the way he was.

  A junkie who’d been in and out of juvie when we were kids and even in prison for a year for carjacking and robbery. Marshall was a no good junkie who was always shooting up and looking for his next fix. A lost cause who’d dropped out of school, didn’t have a chance in hell of going to college even if he went to night school, and practically dropped out of life.