Remember When We Page 8

  His mouth fell open and he stared at me like he wasn’t sure what to say.

  I looked at him and then to the boy, and then I really looked at the boy.

  The boy who walked closer to Paul and narrowed his gaze at me.

  I continued to stare and something gripped me like it was something I should know but didn’t. It was the same feeling as knowing you forgot something, but you couldn’t figure out what it was.

  It was coming to me though.

  I took my first step back down the stairs, then another and another until I got up to them and stopped a few paces away.

  The boy looked like he was around eight years old. Dark hair, same nose as Lyssa, same oval shaped face, same lips. The eyes though, the dark brown eyes—

  those were mine.

  The features …

  It was like I was looking at a picture of myself as a kid.

  Paul pressed his lips together.

  “Hi, Gio,” Paul said, but I was still looking at the boy.

  “Who is this grandpa?” The boy asked.

  “Someone you should know.” Paul answered.

  I still couldn’t tear my gaze away from him.

  Chapter 10

  Lyssa

  “So, how are you today?” Carla asked.

  Her expression was tentative and cautious. I’d been at the salon for a few hours. She just came in when I was finishing up a cut and style on one of my long-time clients who wanted something different in lieu of her divorce party.

  “I’m okay. Just cut Cindy’s hair for her divorce party.” I smiled a smile I didn’t quite feel.

  “I saw and it’s the bomb.” Carla returned the smile.

  We’d gone into her office. She made some of her sweet brazil nut chocolate and served it to me.

  “Divorce party though right?”

  “I know, we can’t say that we’re ever bored here. Any news on Gio?”

  “Yeah, he came by the bar last night.”

  Her eyes widened and mischief flickered within them. “And what happened?”

  There was no way I was telling her about that kiss. It shouldn’t have happened; plain and simple.

  “It wasn’t good Carla. I just … it’s best I avoid him I think.”

  “Did he look like he wanted to avoid you?”

  “No, but that’s not the point. This is something I have to do myself.”

  “What about Matthew? Don’t you think if Gio wants to see you then maybe—”

  It was the same answer as last night. “He doesn’t need to know. It’s best we stay out of his life. Eight years Carla, it’s a long time and we’ve managed without him.”

  Managed … that was putting it in a way that suggested I’d done well. Barely survived was more like it.

  “Okay, I guess we’ll just see what happens. Like I said worry when you have to. No point worrying before and getting all worked up when you have so much on your plate.” Carla pressed her lips together and shrugged then that caution returned to her eyes. “Look, I wanted to talk to you.”

  Something in me stilled and I instantly thought this was it. She was going to get rid of me. There was only so much a person could take and having mafia guys in her place like they owned it was definitely above the rim unacceptable.

  She reached over and took my hand.

  “No,” she shook her head and smiled. “Please don’t think that. I’m absolutely not going to ask you to leave and I’m offended you thought it.”

  I must have been completely transparent.

  “I’m sorry. It would be understandable though. Really it would.”

  “Maybe, but for someone else chica. Not me. For the last two years I’ve watched you run around doing everything. I know if it was me I’d want to do everything too and my pride would get in the way, because I wouldn’t want you to know how bad things are with me. Deep down though I’d hope that you could see me crying out for help and help me.”

  “I would.” I nodded.

  “Good, and I know that you would, Lyssa because that’s who you are. So, I hope you understand that I want to take care of you too. I want to help you.”

  “It’s too much.” It would be too much and dad’s debt was so much I couldn’t even tell anyone how much he owed. It was crazy. Two hundred grand and that wasn’t even how much he had borrowed. It was fifty grand with Santora interest.

  “How about I help with a little. It’s something. Here’s what I want to do. I want to give you a month off with pay on the new ten percent salary increase I’m going to give you. You earned it Lyssa. I’ve been going over the figures and I’m doing so much better than when I first set up five years ago. That’s really thanks to you. I want you to rest, spend time with Matthew, time you should have and for fuck’s sake see how best you can arrange working at the bar. I hate that you work there.”

  My hands shook. “Oh God Carla, that’s too much.”

  “Stop Lyssa. Take time and when you come back think about what pathways you can take to get your skinny ass in the classroom where you belong. They’re missing one amazing English teacher.”

  I released the breath I was holding on to. I had so many dreams of teaching. I didn’t even read anymore. In the past I used to read every day and rotate my favorite classic authors. I loved anything by Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson.

  In truth, that person didn’t even feel like me anymore.

  “This is too much for you to do.” It was overwhelming and a hit to her pride.

  “I’m doing this. And this too.” She pulled out a check and gave it to me.

  When I saw the fifteen thousand on it my hands started shaking so much it fell on to the table.

  “No, you need this.”

  She laughed. “The money for my tits and ass. It turns out Sean likes my tits and ass just the way they are.” She laughed. I laughed too.

  “So, the lunch date went well?” I chuckled.

  “Lunch turned out to be a five hour long conversation that took us to dinner and then well … it was so late and his place was closer than mine.” She laughed. “In all seriousness though I was going to give it to you anyway.”

  “It’s too much Carla. You could do so much for yourself with this. If you wanted to use it for your tits and ass that should be up to you to decide, although I think you’re perfect too. You shouldn’t have to worry about me like this.”

  “And yet I am.” A serious expression washed over her face. “The other day was too much Lyssa. The day when Frankie came here, it was too much and I saw how scared you were of him. So, I’m doing this, but I want you to tell me everything. You pay him every month without fail and you never owe him, but yet he comes around. He taunts you like a fucking nightmare. Tell me the whole story.”

  I was so ashamed of telling anybody. It was awful to keep it all to myself. I should have told her, but I didn’t because of the whole aspect of it.

  As I looked at her, I remembered how I first told her about Gio. I probably should tell her about last night too, but that could wait.

  I’d told her when I first started seeing him. She was the only person that knew about us and she kept my secret.

  “Dad got himself in four hundred and fifty grand worth of debt, we now owe two hundred and fifty.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed the edge of the table. “What, no, Lyssa? Tell me it’s not true.”

  “It’s true. He did. First it was to buy stock for the bar and then later it was to fund his habits. Then he needed money for medical, because his insurance didn’t cover various things. He didn’t tell me how bad it was. At the time you know I had my place.” I’d managed to get a place for myself and Matthew a few years back. It was my one claim to doing something with my life. “I sold my place and gave over the money. I even gave all my savings. As for the rest of the money, well it’s paid for between me working here and the bar. And if I don’t pay the option is not something I want to contemplate.”

  “What is it?”

&nbs
p; “He wants me. Frankie wants me.”

  It was now she looked shocked. “What are you saying to me? What do you mean he wants you? As in to have ... you can’t own a person.”

  “You can. Apparently, you can. He can. I considered it so many times when I found that I couldn’t keep up with this roller coaster. I just thought I’d be the whore and go with him. Then when I truly thought about it I knew in my heart I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it Carla and what would happen to Matthew? I doubt he’d want to take me and my son. And if he did … God.”

  “Oh Lyssa, God. That is fucked up. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “I didn’t want you to worry or think badly of me if I failed. Chances are I could fail Carla. I signed a contract and that stopped Frankie from adding anymore to the loan. We just pay each month and I estimated paying him for another three and a half years.” Five grand per month. This fifteen Carla had given me would take that down to three years and three months.

  “Jesus Lyssa. I feel terrible that I didn’t know. I feel so bad I didn’t know.”

  “Please don’t.”

  She gave my hands a gentle squeeze. “If I can help in whatever way I can, even if it’s decreasing your work time and whatever I will. I won’t ask you either, because I know you won’t tell me.”

  “Oh Carla. Thank you. Thanks so much.” I would be eternally grateful to her; always.

  A knock sounded at the door making me jump.

  “Jesus, I really hope that’s not Frankie.” Carla winced.

  My poor heart stilled, because I prayed it wasn’t him too. Last time was awful. It was just vile and I wished like hell I could have done something more than what I did.

  Carla got up to open the door and when I saw who it was my chest tightened.

  Gio.

  How did he know I was here?

  I stood up quickly, stunned.

  “Carla, hi.” He said to Carla giving her a small smile.

  “Hi.” She replied with wide eyes and glanced over at me.

  I wasn’t in the mood. I really wasn’t ready at all to deal with him.

  “Gio, I thought we said all we needed to say last night.” I glared at him. It pissed me off that he’d asked around for info on where to find me.

  “No, we absolutely did not. There’s a lot more we have to talk about.” He insisted.

  “No there isn’t. So, you can leave.”

  “Lyssa, don’t you dare throw me out.” His face hardened and a lump formed in my throat. “I’m not leaving or going anywhere until you tell me about my son.”

  Fuck.

  He knew. How?

  Dad must have told him. In my tired frame of mind, I never factored in that Dad must have told him where I was. Damn, now he knew about Matthew.

  Oh God.

  “Um, I’m gonna go to lunch.” Carla cut in. “I’ll give you some privacy, please … don’t destroy my office.”

  I looked to her hoping she would see the pleading in my eyes to stay, but either she missed my silent plea for help. Or, she saw and was purposely leaving me to deal with something we both knew I’d have to face.

  The slight glance over her shoulder as she was leaving told me it was the latter.

  Gio came in and closed the door.

  Face stern, those huge dark eyes searching mine. I knew I was in for a very intense conversation.

  One I didn’t really have the strength for.

  Chapter 11

  Lyssa

  * * *

  Again …

  My heart went through that haggard session of speeding up in my chest as it beat like it was preparing to leap right out.

  He looked at me and I wanted to crumble, because I didn’t know which way this conversation was going to go. It could go completely left and leave me more broken than I was. The way he looked told me it could. Gio was a very powerful man. Had been even back then, though he didn’t show it. Last night the incident at the bar was an example of that

  The cross tattooed on his neck pulsed as he tensed. I’d seen it last night and thought it held meaning. Now it just made him look more hardened.

  Hard and clearly angry, angry with me. I was angry too, with myself and with him. More at him so I wasn’t about to allow him to come here and push me around after eight years. He wouldn’t tell me what to do or make any form of demands after all that time.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, breaking the silence.

  I lifted my shoulders into a shrug. “Didn’t think you wanted to know.”

  His nostrils flared and his eyes blazed. “Lyssa, you didn’t think I’d want to know I have a son? What kind of a fucked up way of thinking is that? Seriously?” He threw back.

  “I’m sorry Gio, maybe I’m to blame for misunderstanding again. Don’t forget my immature mind, I was little more than a child when I had him so I might have taken the word misunderstood to mean exactly that. In school, they taught me the Oxford definition of the word: to incorrectly understand or misinterpret.” At least I was using my English studies for something. “Maybe they should have used some other kind of dictionary, I don’t know why they didn’t. But that’s not my problem. You told me I misunderstood our relationship, and I basically had my fucking head in the clouds. It follows that signaled the end. Null and final regardless of consequences.”

  His face …

  His face was a mixture of fury and deep annoyance. The expression was similar to how he looked last night when Tony had pissed him off. I felt strongly that if I were a guy, he would have hit me by now.

  Instead, he stepped closer and closer, and fuck I stood my ground. This wasn’t like the other day with Frankie. That was about me. I could cower like a little idiot when it came to me, but shit got real when it came to my son.

  “Please for fuck’s sake, don’t throw that fucking bull shit my way. I have a son in this world, you knew about it and didn’t tell me. There is no excuse for that. None. You people knew where I was. You knew I would have gone to Chicago. Someone could have told me. Someone could have found me and told me. There was nothing I said to you that is an acceptable reason to keep such a secret from me. I’ve known you guys for over twenty years, and no one thought they could tell me I had a son.”

  I didn’t know who he thought he was fooling. It wasn’t me though. Not me, and I didn’t care who he was, or what he was. He could hit me if he wanted to when he heard my answer to that.

  “You selfish bastard!”

  ‘I’m selfish? Really? Lyssa you knew I was that boy’s father. It wasn’t like there was some confusion and you weren’t sure.”

  That was it, all I could take. I snapped, that hand of mine raised up just like it did eight years ago and landed a slap straight across his cheek.

  He looked at me stunned.

  “That is the last time you say something like that to me. There was no need for confusion. I wasn’t confused. You insist on implying I was screwing around and I wasn’t. I was a virgin when we got together, and I was just with you. Unlike you, I thought we had a relationship. Me not telling you, that you had a son wasn’t about you. Gio, you made it very clear to me that you wanted nothing to do with me. You made it clear, and you left.” My voice started to shake and I had to will myself not to cry. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but that bravado was failing me. All because I was thinking of how he left. “You left and I had to push everything aside. No one told you to leave. You chose it on your own. You chose it and I had to deal. I had to become a mom and deal with what life threw me. You left and you never looked back until now. You never came back to check on the people you’ve supposedly known for over twenty years.”

  There it was, the truth in all of its glory. No opinion there, all facts and he couldn’t refute it, because it was all true.

  “Lyssa someone could … have found me. This feels like punishment I didn’t deserve. You’re telling me all this stuff and I know I left, but I had my reasons. My point is yo
u knew how to find me and didn’t. I had my reasons for leaving and staying away. You say you suffered, but you could have found me to relieve some of that. Not just shut me out. Now I come back and I see all this and something feels off to me.” He narrowed his gaze at me. “You’re working the bar. You’re working in Carla’s salon too and it looks like you live with your father.”

  Analyzing. He was analyzing and it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that one: I worked like a broke person, two: I worked like a broke person in a lot of debt, and three: the amount of money I was earning should have covered the run of the mill kind of debt. Not my crazy monthly debts of just over seven grand per month. That kind of debt was crazy money. More than enough for the well above average person to have a really good life.

  He was a mafia guy, they knew what large sums of money going in and out like that meant. He’d figure it out. He was smart. I just didn’t know what he’d do if he figured it out. In my rage it looked like he was verging on to my biggest fear here and that was thinking he could take Matthew away from me.

  “What are you implying? What are you saying now?” I stood a little taller.

  “I’m saying it doesn’t look like you’re doing so good.”

  My God, he was trying to find an excuse. Something to hold against me. “Don’t even think for one second that you can take him from me.”

  Something wicked flashed in his eyes. “Why not?”

  My heart … it couldn’t take it, it stopped beating. He stepped closer and I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat.

  “Why shouldn’t I Lyssa?” he asked and I just crumbled.

  All of my courage just left me on hearing that, and I couldn’t believe he would be so cruel. I gasped and a tear rolled down my cheek. “You, selfish bastard. You want to come here after all these years and take the last good thing away from me.”